To be honest, this past week has been difficult for me. I feel like my lack of sleep over the past three months has finally caught up with me and I’ve become a mean, bitter, resentful monster. I’ve cried at the drop of a hat but it only lasts about 5 minutes and then the rest of my day is totally fine. I’ve noticed I can’t get up as easily in the middle of the night to feed her. I’m struggling with changing a diaper at 3 AM. And forget running at 6:30 in the morning. This morning I turned my alarm off and didn’t think twice about the extra pounds taking up residence on my ass.
So I woke up and decided it’s all about perspective. I really do have a helpful man that I can ask anything of – even though I don’t because I’m a prideful twat. (Note: utilize baby daddy more often to save sanity.) I get to go back to work 2 days a week to start with just to get out and talk to adults again. I have good people and family that help. And I can easily find things to do with my peanut if I look hard enough and get creative.
She’s been grumpier too, and it’s caused me to lose my shit every now and again. Nothing like a crying baby every afternoon to remind yourself why you were happy without kids. But truthfully, I wouldn’t trade her for the world. She’s my moon and stars.
And then I get a call from my dad, who’s been going through some serious health issues. He’s had complete facial reconstruction, been immobile, continues to eat through a feeding tube and is very depressed. It hurts my heart to hear him that upset, but it’s been months of constant pain, surgeries, complications and self pity —- I couldn’t get him to find ONE positive in all of this (even though radiation is complete, he can walk again unassisted, etc.).
My mom and step-dad are in Florida, and the first thing my mom says on the phone is that she can’t believe it’ll be snowing in New York when they get back. Dude. You’re in FLORIDA. Enjoy the NOW!!!!
After that, it occurred to me that the world seems really down in the dumps. I think a lot of it has to do with the political tone of our country, people being self-serving instead of community-serving, etc. It’s always easier to find the crappy things to complain about. It can be damn difficult to find positive notes in a off-key song.
So during play time when Scout was throwing a fit, I laughed and laughed. It was hilarious. I love her. She’s adorable. Even her angry is adorable.
So while all y’all are down in the dumps, I am determined to be happy and find things to be happy about. Even my screaming baby who has a set of amazing lungs on her!